Silence: When Not Golden In Parental Alienation.pdf

When Kids Need to Know Bad Things About a Parent

1. When Silence Is Not Golden

Many parents of alienated children follow the advice of their counselors to remain silent when their children return from their other parent spewing venom about them. However, this approach can be disastrous, as children may never figure out that their parent's view of the other parent is not accurate. Experts agree that keeping children out of the line of fire is crucial, but avoiding criticizing the other parent can leave children without a clear understanding of their parent's behavior, leading them to blame themselves.

2. The Warshak Test

The Warshak Test is a tool to help parents determine whether it's appropriate to acknowledge the other parent's shortcomings and help the children make sense of their behavior. The test involves a careful and sensitive assessment of the situation to avoid causing more damage than the parent being criticized.

3. Using the Warshak Test to Keep Kids Out of the Middle

Parents should maintain a steadfast commitment to shield their children from unnecessary stress and destructive communications. This means considering their motives and weighing the potential benefits and risks to their children before discussing alleged flaws of the other parent. If parents are unsure about when to criticize and when to remain silent, they should think critically about the matter and prioritize their children's well-being.

4. Why Did You and Daddy Get Divorced?

Parents should be prepared to have open and honest conversations with their children about the reasons for their divorce. This can help children understand the situation and reduce their stress and anxiety. However, parents should avoid blaming or criticizing the other parent, as this can create more harm than good.

5. The Delicate Balance

Parents should strive to maintain a delicate balance between being honest with their children and protecting them from unnecessary stress and destructive communications. This requires careful consideration of their motives and a commitment to prioritizing their children's well-being.